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I Have Everything I’ve Ever Dreamed Of. Why Am I Not Happy?

By Nancy Baker-Brown, MS, LPC, BCETS

 

Signs of Discontent

You don’t need a degree in psychology to know when you’re off-track, but sometimes it creeps up on you.  It can seem like you wake up one day and realize that things are not right.  These are a few of the signs:

  • You don’t want to get out of bed.

  • You have a hard time motivating yourself to do routine tasks.

  • You have doubts about yourself.

  • You feel mildly depressed for days at a time.

  • You sometimes overeat and/or use alcohol and drugs to feel better or escape.

  • You often feel chronically tired, deenergized, and listless.

  • You worry about how you will keep things together.

  • You feel bored or restless.

  • You wish you were somewhere else.

  • You often have headaches, stomach upset, and other body aches and pains.

  • You sleep too little or too much.

  • You have frequent bad dreams or nightmares.

  • You oversleep.

  • You complain and nag.

Feeling dissatisfied with your life is not a pleasant experience, but it can lead you in a positive direction.  These feelings may be important because they are telling you that your actions are out of synch with your values, goals, or talents.

Rediscover What Is Important to You

Imagine that your life is handed back to you and you are able to do anything you want. What is important to you?  What values will direct you?  Consider each word on the following list individually.  It is not necessary to force-rank them or compare them against each other. Assign a rating to each word:

1 = Critically important to me

2 = Important to me

3 = I can live without it

 

            Acceptance by others

            Accomplishment

            Activity

            Admiration

            Appreciation

            Authority

            Beauty

            Being liked

            Being well-paid

            Calm

            Casualness

            Certainty

            Challenge

            Choice

            Comfort

            Community service

            Competition

            Creativity

            Enjoyment

            Ethics

            Excellence

            Excitement

            Fame

            Financial security

            Fitness

            Flexibility

            Fortune

            Freedom

            Fulfilling my potential

            Fun

            Growth

            Harmony

            Health

            Helping others

            Honesty

            Independence

            Informality

            Leisure

            Making a difference

            Mastery

            Morality

            Nature

            Novelty

            Originality

            Peace

            Personal development

            Pets

            Pleasure

            Popularity

            Power

            Prestige

            Privacy

            Prosperity

            Quality

            Recognition

            Relaxation

            Respect

            Risk

            Solitude

            Spirituality

            Stability

            Status

            Stimulation

            Surprise

            Time for friends

            Time for my family

            Uniqueness

            Variety

            Wealth

            Wisdom

 

Now make a list that summarizes your most important values.  If you think of something that isn’t listed, feel free to add it 

The final part of this process (and this is a very streamlined version of what is possible) is to compare how you are currently spending your time with your list of most important values.  How well do they match each other?  What clues can you find that will help you find more satisfaction in your life?  Find the items that don’t compliment each other and think about what you can do to change that.

Suggested Reading

Teri-E Belf and Charlotte Ward, Simply Live It UP: Brief Solutions. Bethesda, MD: Purposeful Press, 1995.

Paul and Sarah Edwards, Finding Your Perfect Work: The New Career Guide to Making A Living, Creating A Life. New York: Jeremy Tarcher, 1996.

Jennifer Louden, The Woman’s Retreat Book: A Guide to Restoring, Rediscovering, and Reawakening YourTrue Self. San Francisco: HarperSanFrancisco, 1997.

Barbara Sher with Barbara Smith, I Could Do Anything If I Only KnewWhat It Was. New York: Delacorte Press, 1994.

 

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